Thu Nov 05, 2009 3:59 pm
Behold the Howcast guide on how to pick a lock.
I couldn't resist... if you haven't seen it yet, check out this video. 
Step 1: Lose your keys.
This is the easiest step. You can achieve the "absence of keys" by leaving them behind before you go out. If you're already out somewhere, fear not! You can leave them at your ass wherever you are. Just make sure nobody sees you leave your keys behind, as they may attempt to return them to you and of course you will no longer need to pick your lock if this happens.
Step 2: Stand around making ridiculous facial expressions in an effort to formulate a plan.
This step is actually optional. If you don't live in an apartment building and there is a high probability that your neigbours and/or casual onlookers might see that you've locked yourself out, you can pretend like you forgot something at the shop and walk off with a look of determination on your face instead. That way nobody will think you're an idiot for losing your keys and you will be free to go about your picking in the privacy of your back yard.
Step 3: Make a pick out of a paper clip or safety pin.
Everybody keeps one of these in their bra at all times. This includes men. If you're one of the few who don't keep such an item on their person, ask a friend if they have a spare. What you want to do is straighten it out and bend a right angle at one end which is approximately half the height of the keyway. Trust us, this will not get stuck. We know this because you can buy a professional lock pick set at a hardware store and we found the huge right angled pick to be the most efficient. Disregard the sharp point if you happen to be using a safety pin, it'll be fine.
Step 4: Insert your wrench into the bottom of the keyway.
Wait, wrench? What?
You heard us! You also need a tension wrench, but there's no time to explain. If you don't happen to carry around a huge L-shaped hunk of metal like our actress does, we have no idea what else you can realistically use but you'll figure something out. After all, you are clever enough to be paying attention to our advice. Please note that while it may look like our actress is using 90% of her brain cells to navigate the tension wrench into the keyway, it isn't actually that difficult.
Step 5: Figure out which way the lock needs to be turned.
We could just tell you it's the same way you turn your key. However, if you're absent minded and don't know which way you turn your own lock to open it, here is a half assed explanation to do with the amount of play in the plug which actually has nothing to do with which way the lock turns.
Step 6: Pick that thing!
Apply a slight turning pressure and insert your right angled pick (which won't get stuck, we promise). Now, feel around until you find the pins! They're up the top somewhere. Do you feel them? Awesome. Now, make a rake pick instead of the right angled pick and rake the lock a few times in an attempt to set a few pins to make it easier on yourself.
Now, switch back to your right angled pick which won't get stuck and raise all the pins one at a time until you feel them click. Each time something clicks, turn the wrench harder... and that's all there is to it! Eventually all the pins will disappear, and you can turn the plug in a much more dramatic manner than necessary, gaining access to your home.
Step 7: Egyptians.
You don't need to know this, but we assume you're going to pick locks as a way of showing off to your friends at some point so it'll be handy to be able to give them facts such as this in the event that you completely fail and screw up their locks. That way they'll still believe you when you say your uncle was a secret agent and taught you the ways of the lock.
Howcast - how to pick a lock
Step 1: Lose your keys.
This is the easiest step. You can achieve the "absence of keys" by leaving them behind before you go out. If you're already out somewhere, fear not! You can leave them at your ass wherever you are. Just make sure nobody sees you leave your keys behind, as they may attempt to return them to you and of course you will no longer need to pick your lock if this happens.
Step 2: Stand around making ridiculous facial expressions in an effort to formulate a plan.
This step is actually optional. If you don't live in an apartment building and there is a high probability that your neigbours and/or casual onlookers might see that you've locked yourself out, you can pretend like you forgot something at the shop and walk off with a look of determination on your face instead. That way nobody will think you're an idiot for losing your keys and you will be free to go about your picking in the privacy of your back yard.
Step 3: Make a pick out of a paper clip or safety pin.
Everybody keeps one of these in their bra at all times. This includes men. If you're one of the few who don't keep such an item on their person, ask a friend if they have a spare. What you want to do is straighten it out and bend a right angle at one end which is approximately half the height of the keyway. Trust us, this will not get stuck. We know this because you can buy a professional lock pick set at a hardware store and we found the huge right angled pick to be the most efficient. Disregard the sharp point if you happen to be using a safety pin, it'll be fine.
Step 4: Insert your wrench into the bottom of the keyway.
Wait, wrench? What?
You heard us! You also need a tension wrench, but there's no time to explain. If you don't happen to carry around a huge L-shaped hunk of metal like our actress does, we have no idea what else you can realistically use but you'll figure something out. After all, you are clever enough to be paying attention to our advice. Please note that while it may look like our actress is using 90% of her brain cells to navigate the tension wrench into the keyway, it isn't actually that difficult.
Step 5: Figure out which way the lock needs to be turned.
We could just tell you it's the same way you turn your key. However, if you're absent minded and don't know which way you turn your own lock to open it, here is a half assed explanation to do with the amount of play in the plug which actually has nothing to do with which way the lock turns.
Step 6: Pick that thing!
Apply a slight turning pressure and insert your right angled pick (which won't get stuck, we promise). Now, feel around until you find the pins! They're up the top somewhere. Do you feel them? Awesome. Now, make a rake pick instead of the right angled pick and rake the lock a few times in an attempt to set a few pins to make it easier on yourself.
Now, switch back to your right angled pick which won't get stuck and raise all the pins one at a time until you feel them click. Each time something clicks, turn the wrench harder... and that's all there is to it! Eventually all the pins will disappear, and you can turn the plug in a much more dramatic manner than necessary, gaining access to your home.
Step 7: Egyptians.
You don't need to know this, but we assume you're going to pick locks as a way of showing off to your friends at some point so it'll be handy to be able to give them facts such as this in the event that you completely fail and screw up their locks. That way they'll still believe you when you say your uncle was a secret agent and taught you the ways of the lock.
